I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
