Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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