Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
