So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize