I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
