end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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