Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
