Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
