You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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