Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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