drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
