I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize