Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
