just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
In America we eat man semen.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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