yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
