I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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