You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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