It was confusing and full of hummus
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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