Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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