no. you can't hotbox the world.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize