first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm too high and old for this...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
