I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
