am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
