and she was petting her beer can
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
