Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How many fucks given?
0.12846
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
