Dual....:-)
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
