Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you would pick up someone in the library
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
