Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
wanna go halves on a baby?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
