I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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