I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize