i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
