i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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