i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize