Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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