I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
