I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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