He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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