Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
