i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The Olympian is in my bed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
