I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
