Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
