you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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