I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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