I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
