Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
