I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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