yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
