So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
