And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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