Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
