One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
