so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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