The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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