when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
