I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
