woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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