So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
my poor anus
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
