i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
