Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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