Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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