where am i from again
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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