the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
