I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize