you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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