fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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