ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
