I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
