Sry I called you an 8
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
