hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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