Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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