I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
