dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
