Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize