Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
