Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
