Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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