i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
