I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
