i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
