my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
