I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
