i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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