one two three fourrrrnication!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
