Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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