Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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