When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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