i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Please don't give away my fajitas
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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