Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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