this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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