Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
