I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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