I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
