Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
