Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
