I am spending my child support on dildos
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
