In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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