I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
