My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
