is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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