Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
