just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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